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Part 8 - Examples of Good and Bad Writing. Learning to write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. On Short Story: The Pigs! Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in Over the Cuckoo's Nest,, the bunch. In most cases, the names and dates from the essays have been changed to not compromise the subject matter for future students (in other words, don't use any of the apparent research information here in your papers). I have tried to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Smith was a religious, Christian man.

His notion of monads included contextual references to Essay Story: God. He believed that God controls the west story nottingham, harmony of life through these monads. The essay then goes on to discuss these monads in a Christian context. Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of place, given the Essay on Short Pigs, essay's topic. But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to mention the religious aspect. Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about Essay on After and The State: and Herzl, someone in Story: The, an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. Conflict Poems! For example, it is irrelevant to Story: The mention a scientist's race in an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the discovery. An example of this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in proportionally higher numbers.

If the same scientist was researching some aspect of of macbeth physics, it would probably not be relevant to mention the race at all. An introductory paragraph: On March 4, 1849, John Smith was born to Anna Bradcock Smith and James Smith. On Short Story: The! Although certainly not of humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, and theology. Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, but he became known particularly for genre of macbeth his contributions in the fields of philosophy, mathematics, and logistics. This paper will not only shed light on Essay, some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was.

This is the introduction to a chronologically-ordered essay about of macbeth, Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to begin with his date of birth is a good one. The paragraph summarizes the fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied. The paper sets up an expectation for the reader of Story: both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and genre anecdotes describing his personality. The sentence structure is grammatically sound and flows well. In the Essay on Short Story: Pigs, late 1650's , Smith's mother returned to London , she then pulled him out of school with the intent to on After Jewish Rubenstein and Herzl make him a farmer . Apostrophes indicate possessiveness or contractions, not plurality. Story: The! The decade is the 1650s. The sentence is a run-on. It should either end after London, beginning a new sentence with She then, or the she then should be changed to and. To make someone a farmer is to create a farmer for Auschwitz Rubenstein them. The student meant: to turn him into a farmer or to encourage him to be a farmer.

Smith invented the widgetiscope and paved the way for Essay on Short Story: The Pigs future widget watching. All-the-while remaining a simple and humble man who considered himself to be part of a team working for the greater good. The bolded part is not a complete sentence. The Cuckoo's Nest, Kesey! The entire thing should be one sentence. All-the-while does not require hyphenation. The two differing approaches of development already described, eventually led to on Short the development of the two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. This sentence is mispunctuated.

The comma is gangs in west side story, confusing and should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Another of Essay on Short Story: The Smith's ideas was the method of differentiation. The university re-opened after the plague in 1667. Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, and awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree (Bogus 4). After the realization that Calculus was important, and was being recognized, a document to record all of the theories became a necessity.

The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the theory of differentiation, was created in 1667. Smith believed he was being pulled in two directions when it came to publishing his theories and making his work known. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on the other hand he had an genre of macbeth abundant fear of rejection. To the dismay of Essay many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of story criticism. Essay On Short Story: The! Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor. This so-called paragraph is an utter mess. There are far too many ideas in it, all of which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the entire paragraph would be bold if I did. First, let's pick out the different topics being addressed: the method of differentiation the university re-opening after the One Flew Nest, by Ken Essay, plague Smith's ascension through the university ranks the need of a document detailing differentiation, which was eventually created Smith's mental state, desires and fears.

Now, if we replace each sentence with the The Pigs, number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3. Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and then leap to another topic in on After Auschwitz State: Rubenstein, the next sentence. While it may sometimes be necessary to mention something as an aside to complement the topic, the Essay, return to Essay Auschwitz and The State: the topic should be swift and easy to Essay on Short Story: understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done. Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the paragraph. Did the university re-open in 1667, or was the plague in 1667? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or another year? Similarly, when did the major fellowship and Master's Degree come in? It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. Essay State: Rubenstein And Herzl! The document was created in 1667, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to publish and seek work as a professor instead?

Also 1667? It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith! The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the Essay on Short The, entire thing hard to understand. I'll make some assumptions regarding the gangs side story, confusing date information. Essay On Short Story: The! Here is how this information should have been presented: Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of nottingham his theories on the subject. Thus, when the university re-opened in 1667 following the plague and on Short Story: The Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium. Although Smith wished to attain fame and fortune, he also feared rejection. This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year].

Since he was not interested in publishing his work, he concentrated instead on Nest, by Ken, pursuing a position as a professor. Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in Essay on Short Story:, 1705 to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for his work (Bogus) . The phrase to be given is awkward here. It would be better written: Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705, which gave him the of macbeth, title of Essay Story: Sir. Conflict Poems! Who else could be honoured for Smith's work other than Smith? It should say: . which made him the first man to be honored for scientific work. There probably should be a page number listed in the citation. Jones had a main idea of analytic geometry. What does this mean? Does the student mean that one of Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry? Does he mean that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely?

This makes little sense and Essay on Short Story: The Pigs is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts , or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at this distance of time no direct evidence is available . If Smith made no use of the in west story, manuscript, he can't have used it to copy abstracts. This is a very awkward way of saying that the events in question happened so long ago that there is no longer sufficient evidence to answer certain questions. Essay On Short! It would be better written: Questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from One Flew Nest, Kesey Essay which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers.

This is still a bit awkward. It's best when broken up into Essay, smaller sentences: There are still questions as to One Flew Kesey Essay whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope. Such questions are rooted so far in the past, however, that it is Essay, impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the genre, French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the on Short The, means of his visiting Hamburg. Due to him not agreeing with is a very awkward way of saying: because he disagreed with. The second bolded part should be a separate sentence. Proved the means of his visiting is a very awkward way of saying is why he visited. Jones explained ideas too enormous to understand, and simplified problems too complex to conflict poems approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible. Story:! If the ideas were too complicated to understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself.

If the side story nottingham, problems were too complex to approach, Jones could not have approached them. Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns. After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for several months. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor. A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of Story: land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death (Bogus 10). His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died. He was premature after suffering from illness due to Essay and Herzl the shock of Pigs her husband's passing during the fall . The phrase after no sign of recovery is not properly attached to cathedral symbolism Smith's father. Instead, it is Essay, saying that the lawyer did not recover from something. A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to whom such things are bequeathed. This should say: A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock and grain to [whomever].

I don't even understand how and Smith Senior's death fits into this sentence. His in cathedral, the sentence His mother gave birth. refers to the antecedent Smith Senior. Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Smith Senior's son. That would necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to say. They should have simply said Elizabeth gave birth. Who else but someone's mother gives birth to them anyway? Given the confusions regarding the various Smiths, it would have been better if the student had used first names during this part of the essay. There is inconsistency in capitalization. On Short The! It is of macbeth, Smith Senior once, and Smith senior another time. Story: Pigs! The he in he was premature again refers to the wrong antecedent. Smith Senior was not premature.

Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. Elizabeth did. Nest, Kesey! This sentence says that Smith suffered the illness. The student suddenly introduces the phrase during the on Short Pigs, fall when no other mention of the conflict poems, season has been made. This could be confused with Smith Senior dying from a fall. Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. The relationship is singular, even though it refers to multiple elements.

Thus, the verb were should be singular as well, and changed to was. It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus. A century is not a place, it is a section of Essay time. Say it is One Flew Over Kesey Essay, a place where. or a time when. In this case, It was this century when. Essay Story: The! Adding an 's' without an apostrophe in this case is pluralization, not indicative of in west side story possession. The student means world's. But perhaps the largest obstacle , which the Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system . Were is plural, but obstacle and system are singular. It should be was. Tragically at the age of Essay on Short The Pigs six, Smith's father died. This says that Smith's father died at the age of Over the Cuckoo's Essay six.

The student means: Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died. Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter soon after the publication of his discoveries. After the The, publication of whose discoveries: Jones' or Smith's? Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the angles of the projected colour, a new law of refraction could be made . People can make legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are discovered. To make a new law of One Flew Nest, by Ken Kesey refraction, Jones would have to alter physics. During the seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did not realize the importance of scientific advancement. Inhabitants could well mean non-human creatures, and is thus a poor choice of a word. Are we to understand that ALL of the people in England failed to realize the importance of scientific advancement for an entire century?

It would have been better if the student had said most people in England. At the current time, the dominant belief was that light traveled in wave . The current time is the moment the Story:, reader is reading the sentence. The student meant to say that the belief was such during the historical time period being discussed. Current should be omitted. The phrase in wave has an error. It should either be in waves or in a wave. Both may be correct, but such an error can be misunderstood if one is incorrect. This would likely have been caught if the student had read the paper out loud. Secondly, Jones' reliance on conflict poems, geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of on Short computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an example of a student not knowing the cathedral symbolism, proper meaning of a word. Impedance means opposition to the flow of electric current.

It does not mean the same as to impede, which is to Essay The be an obstacle. This could be an on After Auschwitz Rubenstein instance where a student used the thesaurus in a word processor to come up with a word without bothering to Essay on Short Story: The check if the side, word fit the Essay on Short Story: The Pigs, context. It could also simply be that the gangs in west side story, student had mislearned the The, word themselves. Incidentally, a quick check of MS Word 97 shows synonyms to impedance to be obstruction, block, baffle, hindrance, breakwater, fin, and conflict poems maze. So here is direct proof that you shouldn't always trust what a word processor thesaurus tells you is an equivalent word. Be diligent and look up unfamiliar words in on Short Pigs, the dictionary before using them in your essay. In studying widgetry, it serves as great importance that one is aware of the two systems of Essay on After Auschwitz and The Jewish widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. Something does not serve as great importance, and one being aware doesn't fit either.

This is a student trying to sound fancy but instead making no sense. The sentence should read: In studying widgetry, one should be aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. It was thought that Jones hated his stepfather and his mother, partly for abandoning him at on Short Story: The such a young age. Who thought so? This entire statement, which implies something that cannot be proven and is thus not a basic fact, had no attribution in the essay. Since it was about someone historical and in west side the student couldn't possibly have known this unless they got it from a source, it was plagiarism to include it without attribution. Smith managed one friendship through this time and the value of that is always questioned.

Who is questioning the Story: The Pigs, value? There is no attribution to explain who questions it or to prove that it is questioned by anyone other than the genre of macbeth, student. What precisely is being questioned? The value of only having one friend, or the value of the one friendship to Smith in particular? . which means that the cut in the # of points is Essay on Short The, equal to Essay Auschwitz and The Jewish Rubenstein and Herzl the degree of the curve. Using the # symbol instead of the word number is Essay The Pigs, a bad short cut, and certainly inappropriate for a formal essay.

Smith also helped to improve the scientific community ; his focus was mainly regarding widgetry. How does a focus on a subject help to improve a community? It might improve the on After and The State: Rubenstein, understanding of the subject in the community, but does that improve the community itself? This is a badly worded assertion. If it truly did benefit the Essay on Short Pigs, scientific community as a whole, the student should cite a source demonstrating that to be the case. No attribution was present. In one day, John's attitude towards school changed for conflict poems the better. Essay On Short Story: The! A boy ranked just above him kicked him in the stomach. Symbolism! At the end of the day John challenged the Essay on Short The, boy to Auschwitz and The Jewish a fight. Even though John was much smaller than his opponent, his determination overtook the boy.

Winning the fight was still not enough. John applied himself in class, and soon became the top student in the school. This entire paragraph introduces an anecdote for the purpose of explaining what drove John to become a better student. Incredibly, it manages to completely fail to mention the relationship between the anecdote and John's new-found classroom enthusiasm. The relationship is implied and the reader can guess that John wished to beat the boy in on Short The Pigs, more than just a physical fight, and thus worked hard to outrank the side story, boy in the classroom, but that is Essay Story: The, not stated. The paragraph is very choppy and the sentences do not flow well. Read it out loud, and you'll hear how it sounds like a grade school book instead of a university essay. During this time, Smith constructed a water clock. He constructed the clock out of an Essay and The State: Rubenstein and Herzl old box. This is choppy.

It could be easily combined into one sentence. Jones became began to on Short Story: The Pigs study motion. This error was probably due to a sentence that once legitimately contained the word became being edited without became being removed. If the student had read the essay out loud or given it to a friend to Essay on After Auschwitz and The Jewish Rubenstein read, this error likely would have been noticed. Yet, in 1679, Jones would discover that his initial calculation the Moon's distance from Earth was incorrect. Here is another example of a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the student had read the essay aloud or given it to a friend to read. The word of should be between calculation and the. That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. If the instructor has to reread the sentence to try to understand its meaning, the The, flow of the essay is west side, interrupted. If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of research.

More examples of errors that could have been caught if the students had bothered to read their essay: One of Smith's main contribution was his use of. Widgetry emphasized the notion of the infinite widget, which in Essay Story: Pigs, fact cam as a great service to Smith in that it served as an gangs in west side story important too in helping explain his branch of widgetry. Jones might have in fact perputuated the Story: The, ideas, but he was also at a loss when he could not make good sense of them from the cathedral symbolism, beginning. Admiration for Smith grew in the filed of widgetry. With Jones' encouragement, Smith drafter a number of monographs on religious topics.

Smith considers out universe to be a gravitational system. On August 10, 1777, Jones was ent a letter from. In later research , it was proven that Jones was incorrect and on Short science rejected his theories about Nest, by Ken Kesey Essay, light until the next century. Thus, it was scientifically proven that Jones' theories about quanta (tiny particulate packets of energy) were indeed correct . Essay On Short Story: Pigs! The wave formulation was also correct . When was this later research? Who performed the research? In discussing whether someone was proven incorrect or not, it is a good idea to conflict poems fully explain who did the proving when, and possibly even how they came to their conclusion.

These sentences contradict each other. Essay! Was Jones proven incorrect or correct? Does the student mean that Jones was erroneously proven incorrect, but science later found that he was correct after all? Or was Jones correct about some things and not others? The use of Essay and The State: and Herzl Thus implies causality. How does the proof that Jones is incorrect and the rejection by on Short science suddenly become scientific proof of his theory being correct?

Regardless of what the student meant by the flip from and The Rubenstein and Herzl incorrect to correct, there is nothing given to establish causality. It's disappointing to see such sloppiness as this in an essay. This particular essay featured clipart, so it was obviously done on a computer with a modern word processor. It clearly wasn't spell-checked. Such complete disregard is automatically indicative of a student who doesn't care about their final product, and while the error itself is minor, it gives a bad impression to the grader. In fact, this essay had several spelling errors that could have been caught. That's inexcusable at the university level. It was also during this time that he traveled to his uncle's place in The Pigs, Brunswick.

Place is colloquial. On After Auschwitz And The Jewish State: And Herzl! Use home, apartment, residence or other such appropriate word instead. Smith attempted to obtain his doctorate of law degree at the University of Anytown but was denied because positions were being held for the older students -- and Smith was much too young. Smith's secretary claims that he was told many times, however, that Smith was denied admission because of negative feelings that the Dean's wife held for Essay on Short Story: him. Smith's secretary is probably dead, since this essay is about someone from the gangs in west side story, 19th century. Story: The! Therefore, they no longer claim anything. It should be past tense. Since the student doesn't cite this, there is an implication that perhaps the secretary is not dead and the student went so far as to interview the secretary personally. That is, of course, quite unlikely, meaning that this student has plagiarised this information from one of their sources. The following are a few concepts that form the basis of Leibnizian calculus: [followed by three bulleted paragraphs comprised mostly of One Flew Nest, Essay direct quotation] Using bullets in Story: The, a formal essay is rarely appropriate.

It is genre of macbeth, preferable to write out the The Pigs, bulleted information into proper paragraph form. This student seems to have been too lazy to bother paraphrasing a bunch of conflict poems direct quotations into a formal essay structure. Along came the Joe Smith, a mathematician considered by numerous scholars to be a pioneer of calculus, including other renowned mathematician, Bill Jones. The Joe Smith? There has only been one? The student means another, not other.

Sloppy. The first page of the essay starts with: have been developed (5). The second page starts with the Essay on Short, header Introduction and the opening paragraph. The Cuckoo's By Ken Kesey Essay! Clearly, the student stapled the pages out of order. What a sloppy mistake! Pages should be numbered unless you're specifically instructed not to for some reason, and you should always ensure that all of the Story: The, pages are present and in proper order before binding the essay. If the genre of macbeth, instructor has to begin by figuring out what the heck is going on, they will automatically have a bad impression of your essay and possibly of you. Jones was quite a busy man in that along with his position in on Short Story: Pigs, the Court of Mainz, he also managed to serve as Baron Johann Christian von Boineburg as secretary, librarian, lawyer, advisor, assistant, and most importantly, friend. Quite a busy man is genre, a bit colloquial.

A busy man would do. The first as is an Essay on Short error, since Jones did not serve as the Baron, he served the Baron. One Flew Nest, By Ken Essay! This may have been caught if the student had read their essay out loud. His Chummy, Bill Jones, who Smith shared a room with until his resignation from this fellowship in 1683. Chummy should only be included if it was Smith's actual word for Jones. If this is the case, it is a quotation from a source and should be cited.

If not, it is colloquial and should just say His friend Bill Jones. Who should be whom in this case. A site called Grammar and Style has information on Story:, how to use who and conflict poems whom. This isn't even a complete sentence. Smith was born prematurely and was so small when he was born that they thought he might not live. Repeating that he was born is redundant. Story: Pigs! Who does they refer to?

Doctors? Parents? Relatives? Townsfolk? It is a pronoun without an antecedent. In this publication, Jones has a discourse between the belief systems of the natural philosophical world around him. Has is the wrong word here because the essay is cathedral symbolism, about a person who is now dead. Dead people don't have discourse with anyone in on Short, the present, so the symbolism, word should at least be had. But even had is awkward, and The a better word would be wrote. Discourse means to converse, especially orally. One does not speak orally in a publication.

It is written. This word should be omitted. Between denotes at least two participants, but Jones is the gangs in west side story, only one having the supposed discourse. Essay On Short The! This too should be omitted. Natural philosophical world is gangs in west side, confusing. Does the student mean the natural, philosophical world, which would be the world described as both natural and philosophical? Or do they mean natural philosophical world, in which natural modifies philosophical and not world, in which case the grammatically correct phrase would be naturally philosophical world? This would be better written as: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the natural, philosophical world around him. or, depending on the answer to the fourth point: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the naturally philosophical world around him.

He was home for approximately 18 months, according to Jones the 18 months was the most predominant time period of his life. This is Essay on Short, a run-on sentence. It should either end between 18 months and according, or it should be rewritten to gangs in west side story make it a proper sentence. 18 months is repeated for no reason. 18 months is Story: The, plural, so it should be 18 months were not 18 months was. Cathedral Symbolism! Predominant means superior especially in power or numbers. Something cannot be most superior. Most should be omitted. Predominant is Essay Story:, not the best word in this case anyway. If the student means it was the most powerful time of Jones' life, they should be clear about that.

If they mean it was the most superior numerical time of his life, then he logically cannot have been more than 36 months old. Simpson was content after his ability to reproduce Smith's experiment. Jones was not that easy, the story, two men fought constantly. The student probably means that Simpson was content once he was able to reproduce Smith's experiment. The current phrasing doesn't quite say that, and is awkward and confusing. Jones was not that easy to what?

The student probably means Jones was not that easy to satisfy or something equivalent. This is a run-on sentence. It should end after easy, or be rewritten to be grammatically correct. Which two men? Simpson and Jones or Smith and Jones? The information on on Short The, physics before this section is important to understanding whom Newton was, but arguably, his greatest advancements were in the field of mathematics, most importantly Calculus. Incorrect use of whom. Should be who.

A site called Grammar and Style has information on how to cathedral use who and whom. There should not be a comma between arguably and his. There is no citation as to anyone arguing that Newton's greatest advancements were in mathematics. This might be because it would be difficult to prove in the face of the importance of Essay on Short Story: The Newtonian physics. Of Macbeth! Advancements is probably the wrong word. Achievements or discoveries would be better. Newton's advancements are more likely to be funds paid in advance of publication. The addition of most importantly is awkward. Particularly would have been a better word. The use of greatest and most importantly referring to Calculus is hyperbole. Given that this essay was for a Calculus class, it sounds like a kiss-up.

The declarations of Essay on Short The Pigs superiority are superfluous, unattributed, probably erroneous, and possibly pandering. It's all very ugly. A concluding sentence: Smith's great work, theories, and studies will continue to live on forever in on After Auschwitz and The Jewish State:, the ever-changing world of science and mathematics . How can the Essay Story: The, student know that Smith's work will live on forever? That's an impossible assertion to make. Work, theories and studies don't live.

They exist, but they are not organic creatures. On After And The State: And Herzl! If the on Short Story:, world is conflict poems, ever-changing, how again can the student know that Smith's work won't one day be considered nonsense? Or lost entirely? World is singular, but it refers to two worlds, one of science and one of Story: Pigs mathematics. This conclusion reeks of cathedral hyperbole. Essay On Short Story: The! (So does the phrase reeks of hyperbole, but this is not a formal essay.) A scientist before Smith by the name of Jones knew that he could demonstrate the ration between two infinite sums. The phrasing here is a bit awkward. Of Macbeth! It would be better phrased: Jones, a predecessor of Smith, knew that.

Ration is the wrong word. Essay On Short Story: Pigs! The student meant ratio. This is one of those errors that a spell-check cannot find, but if the essay had been read aloud it may have been noticed. One man was proclaiming to be the inventor of the genre, widgetiscope and another man was proclaiming the exact same thing; who is telling the The Pigs, truth? The main problem here is the change in tense. You can't go from in west was to Essay Story: is if the subject remains fixed in time.

Furthermore, it is incorrect to refer to someone who is dead as doing anything in the present besides being dead (and possibly rotting). A dead person is not telling anything right now, but they were in the past. Try to avoid using the passive form was proclaiming and instead use proclaimed. This particular statement is Kesey Essay, also bad because of the subject matter. The student has already shown in the essay that both men happened to independently invent the Essay on Short Story: Pigs, widgetiscope, but the issue is who deserved the title for inventing it first . So actually, neither one was necessarily lying, and the student should not make it appear that one or the other may have been doing so. You must be careful not to libel people. The phrasing here is conflict poems, awkward and possibly a bit too conversational in the final question. A better way of writing this would be: Two men proclaimed to be the inventor of calculus, but only one could be given the credit. The argument was so drawn out Essay on Short, that a decision was not easy to come by which worked against Smith's favor. Jones had been considered the sole inventor of the widgetiscope for fifteen years already, which gave him the upper hand.

The student meant to say that the west story, duration of the argument caused Smith to lose. But because the on Short Story: The Pigs, student failed to put the of macbeth, necessary comma between the bolded words, this sentence actually says, by means of a complicated string of multiple negatives, that it was not easy to Essay Story: The Pigs come to a decision against Smith, meaning he won. This sentence would be better worded this way: Because the argument took so long, Smith lost. But then, at the beginning of the next paragraph, the Auschwitz and The Jewish, student writes: The argument took years to unravel and never really came to a definitive decision. This negates what the student had asserted before: that Smith lost because of the duration of the argument.

This also repeats the fact that it was a long argument, which is redundant. It was from the Greeks, where the underlying of widgetry emerged and set the basis of what widgetry has become. The Greeks are a people, not a place, so things come from whom, not where. The comma in Story: The Pigs, this sentence should not be there. Genre! It sets up an expectation that the portion after the comma is a separate clause, as in: It was from the Greeks, who also invented blodgetry, that widgetry came forth. Essay Pigs! Note that because the who is in the separate clause, it should not be whom. The underlying what ? You can't just say the underlying of widgetry. It has to be the underlying something of widgetry, whether that something is basis, foundation, etc. Although there was a time of intellectual heightening , there came a period of darkness in the development of conflict poems mathematics (Ewards 45) . Intellectual heightening is an icky, awkward phrase.

Intellectual development would have been much better. In going over this old essay, I wondered if perhaps this was a typo of the name Edwards. On Short Story: Pigs! I checked the bibliography to confirm the conflict poems, name, and discovered that nothing by Ewards, Edwards, or any similar name was there at all. Had this gone noticed when the paper was being graded, serious questions would have been raised as to the validity of the student's sources and bibliography. Be sure to list all sources in your bibliography, and be sure to Essay on Short spell them correctly when citing! One motive of gangs in west side Sumerian algebra was to impose on themselves a concepts that they could not fully understand and precisely compute, and for this reason, rejected concepts of irrational as numbers, all traces of the infinite, such as limit concepts, from on Short Pigs their own mathematics. Motive applies to conflict poems Sumerian algebra, not Sumerians. Therefore, that motive cannot be imposed on themselves. It should be written: One motive of the Sumerians concerning their algebra was to on Short impose on conflict poems, themselves. although that is The, still an awkward phrase.

Concepts should not be plural. This is sloppiness that probably could have been detected if the student had bothered to read over his essay. West! The sentence should end after compute. A new sentence should begin, For this reason. The word they should be put between reason and rejected to say: For this reason, they rejected concepts. This sentence is so garbled with mismatched subclauses that adding another is on Short The, just icky. I'd put such as limit concepts in parenthesis, or rewrite the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Essay, sentence to Story: The Pigs bring that idea out on its own. If Greek rigor had surmounted their need to succeed in these elements and conflict poems refused to use real numbers and limits till they had finally understood them, calculus may have never formed and mathematics as a whole would be obsolete (Apostal 102). The verb refused applies to Greek rigor, not Greeks, which is nonsensical.

Be careful to Essay Story: ensure that your verbs match the subject you intend for them. Don't use till when you mean until. That's colloquial at best, and the Cuckoo's Kesey not really a proper use of the word at all at worst. The proper phrase is have never been formed. To say something never formed begs the question: What didn't it form? Even though there is a citation for this extreme declaration that mathematics as a whole would be obsolete, it's still probably hyperbole.

I wonder if the source actually said that, or if the Essay Story: The Pigs, student's paraphrasing has overstated the source's point that mathematics might be different without the advent of calculus. Be careful that you don't paraphrase in such a way as to claim a source said something that they did not. If this source really says mathematics would be obsolete without calculus, it's a bad source. Such a statement would render even basic arithmetic and counting as obsolete, which is ridiculous. Essentially , it is a case of Smith's word against gangs story a number of suspicious details pointing against him. He acknowledged possession of a copy of Essay on Short Story: The part of one of Jones' manuscripts, on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them, and a material date I none of his manuscripts had been falsified (1675 had been changed to 1673) (Bogus, 78)

Essentially isn't technically incorrect here, but students do have a tendency to use words like essentially and basically too often. It's somewhat conversational, and possibly colloquial. Try to avoid it unless something is truly essential. Conflict Poems! A number of suspicious details pointing against him is an on Short Story: Pigs awkward way of saying: suspicions of his guilt. But what the student means is not suspicions, but points of evidence. When you list several examples of something you've indicated, the way to punctuate it is as follows (note the placement of the gangs in west side story, colon and on Short Story: The subsequent semicolons): [Point being made]:[proof 1];[proof 2];[proof 3]; and[proof 4]. This way each proof can have punctuation such as commas without being confused with other points, and symbolism each proof still points to Story: Pigs the main part of the sentence.

This entire thing should be rewritten to say: It is a case of Smith's word against the evidence of west story nottingham his guilt: he acknowledged possession of a copy of Jones' manuscripts; on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them; and Story: The his manuscripts had been falsified by gangs side story changing 1675 to Essay on Short Story: The Pigs 1673 (Bogus, 78). After quoting a dictionary definition: The editors of the famous dictionary are probably unaware of the fact that they have just committed a cardinal sin in symbolism, the mathematical world , in Essay The Pigs, that they only described fingleish widgetry, and One Flew the Cuckoo's Nest, failed to include an explanation of fnordleish widgetry. It's okay to question a source, and at higher levels of education it might even be required. But if you're going to do it, be careful to The do it well and with evidence.

This just sounds presumptuous. The student has not shown whether or not the dictionary has separate definitions for widgetry or otherwise accounts for its apparent lack of sufficient definition. Saying the dictionary is side story, famous is probably unnecessary, and possibly hyperbole. A cardinal sin is a sin of Essay The fundamental importance. In the genre, Judeo-Christian context, this would mean something very bad, like murder. Thus, calling a disagreement in definition in The, a dictionary a cardinal sin is definitely hyperbole. Even if it was a cardinal sin, the gangs story, sin was committed in the dictionary, not in the mathematical world. The student meant against the mathematical world. It is surprising how people could be satisfied such a vague definition, as was the on Short, case in Webster's Dictionary, on a subject that has tested such great minds for centuries upon west story nottingham, centuries . It is surprising how students could be satisfied with such drivel in their essays. That sounds nasty, doesn't it? That's because it is.

Sentences like this are insulting and off-putting, and don't belong in a formal essay. Such great minds requires an example. Essay On Short The Pigs! The word such should be omitted. Centuries upon and The Jewish State: and Herzl, centuries is redundant. Just say centuries and Essay Story: Pigs leave it at Essay and The State: that.

Jones' first object in Paris was to make contact with the French government but, while waiting for such an Essay opportunity, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers there, in particular Davis and Myers, discussing with Davis a variety of topics but particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). An object is a thing. The student means Jones' first objective. This is a bad run-on. It should be broken up like this: Jones' first objective in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Essay, Paris was to make contact with the French government, but while waiting for an opportunity to do so, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers such as Davis and Myers.

He discussed a variety of topics with Davis, particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). Smith's contribution to on Short math has helped our society become more technological in building things . In this particular case, Smith made many contributions, not just one. Math is the colloquial version of conflict poems mathematics. Did Smith's contributions only help our society? What about on Short Story: The Pigs, other societies?

More technological in building things is a really awkward way of saying improved our technological aptitude. Undoubtedly, Jones was one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived and this paper will demonstrate that, starting from his childhood until his death . Smith may have been a genius, but to blow that up to one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived is hyperbole. Even if it is of macbeth, true, the paper didn't demonstrate it because the paper didn't compare Smith to other great geniuses that have lived. Story: Pigs! The paper showed that Smith was a genius, perhaps, but not his rank amongst all of the conflict poems, geniuses that have ever lived. Essay The! If you start from cathedral something, you go to on Short Story: The or follow through to another something. The phrase starting from his childhood until his death actually means you're starting from the section of time inclusively between his childhood and death and on After Jewish State: Rubenstein not saying where you're going. Furthermore, the paper does not start from Smith's childhood because it was not being written when Smith was a child. The student means, starting with his childhood and following through to his death. That is Essay on Short Story: Pigs, still awkward, and the sentence would be best written: Undoubtedly, Jones was a genius, and this paper will demonstrate that by examining his entire life. So John lived for seven years with his mother's parents who did not really show him any affection . So in this context is colloquial and should be omitted.

This really should be cited. John's address may be a matter of public record and therefore doesn't have to be cited, but comments on genre of macbeth, the emotional quality of the Story: Pigs, household imply research, and the student should give credit to the source. Really is colloquial, and should be omitted. While at conflict poems Cambridge, Smith's genius was most productive in his dedication to math . Who is Smith's genius? The student means Smith's intellect, but an intellect cannot be productive. It facilitates productivity, but it is not productive itself. A better way to Essay on Short Story: The Pigs write this would be: Smith's intellect was best displayed in his dedication.

Math is the Cuckoo's Nest, by Ken Essay, colloquial. It should be mathematics. This information helps us to understand how we, as humans stay on the ground; we are matter as well and do have an Essay Story: The invisible force weighing us down as we push against conflict poems it and it pushes back against Essay us . This hand full of knowledge has helped our scientist understand our universe of heavenly bodies and their movement. It has also allowed scientist to delve further in exploring our galaxy. Does gravity only affect humans? Granted, the student is trying to make the science seem more personal, but this is an awkward way of doing it. It is also something that seems to indicate an essay geared to west story children.

While you should usually write essays so they can be understood by laypersons, you can assume those laypersons are your age and The Pigs intellectual peers. The description of the invisible force is very awkward. A better wording would be: do have an invisible force that we push against as it pushes back against State: and Herzl us. Gravity does not, in fact, weigh people down. The student's own definition of it earlier in the essay mentions this, and here too it is accurately described as a push, not a pull. To add in the bit about it weighing us down is contradictory. The student means handful. This is a bad description anyway, since the student is trying to show how this knowledge is monumental to scientists. Both instances of scientist should be pluralized. One delves further into something, not in Essay The Pigs, it.

The Royal Society always had someone coming in One Flew Nest, by Ken Kesey Essay, each week they met to show off their invention . Always had someone coming in is colloquial and awkward. It should say: The Royal Society hosted a guest each week. The second part of this is a separate sentence and Essay on Short Story: The should be capitalized and State: and Herzl punctuated accordingly, or else brought into the first sentence with appropriate conjunctions. Show off is colloquial. Demonstrate would be better. On Short! Since more than one invention was demonstrated, invention should be plural. A concluding paragraph: Jones was a great man who made an Essay Auschwitz and The State: and Herzl impact in all of our lives . He is recognized as one of the centuries brilliant-minded people who helped to further math along.

This intellectual man has created something which has and will be used for years to come. This is an important part of history which will and should never be forgotten. The essay has shown that Jones was brilliant and on Short Pigs invented some useful things. It has not, however, demonstrated that he was a great man. A great man is one that embodies greatness in all things, including attitude, relationships with others, and genre their contributions to Essay The Pigs their society. Jones may have been all of this, but the essay did not reflect it, so it is hyperbole to declare it in the conclusion. It is also a highly subjective comment; what makes someone great to one person may not for another. Gangs Side Story! Centuries is the Essay, plural of on After Auschwitz and The Jewish State: and Herzl century, not the possessive. Essay Pigs! The student means century's. But Jones was not of our current century, so the student should define which century they mean.

Impacts are made on, not in. If by all of us the gangs in west story, student means everyone on the planet, this is incorrect. Jones' contributions to mathematics hardly impact the life of someone living in a non-literate, non-industrialized society. Even if the student merely means her peers, it is still hyperbole to declare that everyone has been impacted. If you're going to mention that the on Short Story: Pigs, person did something in genre of macbeth, your conclusion, mention what that something is. While it is unlikely that Jones' history will be forgotten, the student cannot effectively predict the future in this way.

Some of Essay Story: these comments may seem nitpicky, but the fact of the matter is errors such as these reflect poorly on you and your essay. No one is perfect, and an essay with one or two awkward phrases won't be marked down just for those instances. But an essay that is full of the symbolism, errors listed above prevents the reader from understanding the on Short Story:, content. If the instructor doesn't know what you mean, they can't possibly give you a good grade. Last updated in February 2005. Copyright #169 2000-2005 Kimberly Chapman. All rights reserved. This original work is available for distribution, provided the following: it is only distributed in this complete form, it contains my name and copyright, it is not altered during distribution without my consent, and it is not used to generate income for anyone without my consent.

I would strongly appreciate knowing if anyone is distributing this in printed form. If you want to receive notification of updates on conflict poems, any portion of this site, simply enter your email address here and Essay The Pigs click/select the button to enter. You will be required to story nottingham sign up for a free Yahoo! account to Essay on Short complete registration. Please note that Yahoo!'s privacy policy and other management are outside of genre of macbeth kimberlychapman.com's responsibility. Essay On Short The Pigs! Users are encouraged to perform their own due diligence before signing up with any online service.

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5 Things to Do When Returning to Essay Story: The Pigs the Workforce. Let#39;s say you are one of the 44% of working moms who left their job to care for their family and cathedral, it#39;s time to head back to the workforce. There are some things you can do to better your chances of on Short The landing in the right role that will make returning to working motherhood worthwhile. Here are five things you can do when you#39;re thinking about returning to the workforce. It#39;s time to get caught up on your industry news. Check out genre of macbeth journals or books from your library.

Find articles and popular websites that would get you up-to-date. If you#39;re unsure where to start looking for resources log into LinkedIn to see what groups your connections are in. In these professional groups there will be suggested resources that you#39;ll want to research later. Talk to your network about returning to the workforce. On Short The Pigs. You need to get the word out! You don#39;t need to genre post something on social media unless you feel comfortable doing so. But start telling people you#39;re looking to return to Essay on Short Story: The Pigs the work.

Before sharing this great news get clear about what kind of job you#39;re looking for. This way you#39;re prepared to answer questions about cathedral your job search. Reconnect With Your Professional Contacts. If you left work on a good note it#39;s a great idea to keep in touch with your former boss and co-workers. Periodically invite them to lunch or give them a call to catch up. If you haven#39;t stayed in on Short Story: Pigs, touch it#39;s never too late to reach out. Are you unsure what to talk about? Besides sharing what you have been up to take the opportunity to catch up on the company#39;s latest news, changes in the industry, or what former clients are doing.

When you keep these relationships fresh they will be better resources and cathedral, references when you are ready to return to work. Story: The Pigs. Find Ways to Fill Your Professional Gap. Returning to work won#39;t happen instantaneously. It takes some time to find the right job! You could use this time performing a contract job or freelance work to help fill your gap.

In today#39;s economy, many companies are open to in west story the idea of contract workers, especially for big projects or to on Short Story: help launch new initiatives. This way of working allows you to keep your skills fresh or it could help you learn a new skill set to west story be used in a new career! Also, you could use volunteer work to help fill your professional gap. To do so keep a detailed list of the projects you have worked on with your school#39;s PTA, school fundraisers, or charitable organizations. Make a special note if you were in a leadership role like a large event or project. How to Manage the Gap on Your Resume. Even though you don#39;t want to hide the on Short Story: The Pigs, period of conflict poems time you were out of the workforce, you don#39;t want to highlight it either.

Err on the side of caution and avoid addressing your mom duties with cute descriptions like #34;domestic goddess#34; or #34;Smith Family CEO.#34; Instead, organize your resume by work experience and related skills instead of including a chronological listing of your work history. This way you can highlight activities and skills from your time away from work including volunteer work, fundraising efforts, continuing education, and contract or freelance work. While these skills are pertinent and Story: The, certainly transferable to the workplace, remember that you are applying for a job. The majority of One Flew the Cuckoo's Nest, by Ken Kesey Essay your resume should focus on specific work experience, achievements, and successes. Submit a Cover Letter That Shows You Did Your Homework. Your cover letter is designed to grab the reader#39;s attention and entice them to read your resume. It#39;s also super critical to moms looking to return to work because it gives you the opportunity to share your story. You want to share why you#39;re interested in their company, what skills you have that would make their company more successful, and Story: The, your specific accomplishments. Be sure your cover letter is top notch. Check all grammar (use the app, Grammarly!!) and spelling.

Also, try to find the name of the west side nottingham, company#39;s recruiter or HR manager to on Short The personalize the letter. It shows you made an effort to Essay Auschwitz Jewish get to on Short The Pigs know the company and checked out their company on LinkedIn. Bridge the Gap in Person or On Paper. Here#39;s how to conflict poems address your professional gap in your cover letter. The recruiter may be curious so be honest and to the point about Story: The your gap in genre of macbeth, employment. You can say something like you left the workforce to care for family and since they are older now you are eager to return to the workforce. During phone interviews and face-to-face interviews, acknowledge your gap in employment in a matter of fact way. Essay On Short Story: Pigs. You could say something like, #34;You may have noticed a gap on my resume. After the birth of my second child, I made the decision to stay home with my children. I#39;m the type of Auschwitz and The State: person who puts 150 percent into everything I do. At that point, I felt that those efforts were best focused on my family.

Now that my children are older, I#39;m at a point where I#39;m once again able to commit 150 percent to an employer. I#39;d like to discuss some of my past successes and achievements, both from Essay on Short The Pigs my previous work history and my time out of the Essay Jewish, workforce.#34; Be confident when making these statements and the interviewer will have confidence in you as well. After all, what#39;s really important to the interviewer is whether you are the right person for on Short The the position and are willing to gangs in west put the appropriate time and effort into The, making it a success. The most important to thing about returning to the workforce is the west nottingham, excitement! Your life is about to change for the better. Essay Story: Pigs. But with change comes uncertainty and anxiety.

If you start to feel discouraged go search Pinterest for new outfit ideas. Dream about what life will be like when you are at work. Dreaming about what your next job will make it seem more possible and keep you positive.

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